Worst Movie Monster Reveal Ever!

Every monster movie has one. After 90 minutes of lurking behind curtains and in shadows, the beast comes forth. The one moment of good lighting when the ferocious monster reveals its true form. It makes the audience believe that the heroes face a formidable foe, capable of eating them whole. I think it is the high point of every monster movie.

Except when it isn’t.

Now, I am very forgiving of low-budget monsters or those that just are not well designed. No, this particular monster was just so poorly conceived for the screen that it deserves some serious laughter.

My candidate comes from the venerable BBC. No, it is not a Doctor Who episode. I am a big Neil Gaiman fan, so I decided to track down a somewhat obscure mini-series he created in 1996 called “Neverwhere.” The premise is there is a secret fantasy world under modern London, complete with warriors, magic, angels and monsters. Above all these threats hovers the great “Beast of London.” One of the main characters sole purpose is the destruction of the beast and everyone speaks in hushed whispers of its terrifying powers. It is a critical part of the plot

Finally, we get a look at the beast in all of its might. Quake before the beast that has only one name;

cow.

Yes, the great “Beast of London” is a cow, actually, a Highland cattle bull. Check out the terrifying  image below:

The Beast of London
The Beast of London

I know bulls are dangerous, but this one looks like a chubby Ewok with horns!

The BBC did use some 6 o’clock weatherman-quality special effects in a vain attempt to make the bull “scary.” Sorry, but those other British horrors, the Teletubbies scared me more. I actually liked the series as a whole, but whomever decided to use the bull as the scary monster needs a brain transplant. Even bad CGI is more acceptable.

Thus ends my rant about the worst monster reveal ever, unless you have something even worse. Sadly, I am certain there is something worse.

Trask, The Last Tyromancer

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trask

Trask is a long-time gamer, world traveler and history buff. He hopes that his scribblings will both inform and advance gaming as a hobby.

2 thoughts on “Worst Movie Monster Reveal Ever!

  • October 1, 2009 at 10:10 am
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    to be fair, in the book it was more frightening and boar-like.

  • October 2, 2009 at 1:14 pm
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    Gawd! I SO hear that. The movie had me all the way up to that point, and it ruined it for me. BUT IT’S A SEWER BULL!!!!

    I’m guessing that the writers of Battlestar Galactica must have been big fans 🙂

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