Trask Schools Sarah Connor

I like “The Terminator.” It is one of my favorite movie franchises( at least the first two movies), but the new tv show, “The Sarah Connor Chronicles” is driving me batty.

The simple fact is Sarah Connor is stupid. Since John has not yet metamorphosed into a post-apocalyptic warlord, I will give him a pass and blame his mommy.

I can hear the howls now. “Trask speaks ill of the best gun-toting hottie every to grace the big screen.” I am not talking about the movies, they at least made sense. I speak only of the tv show.

My main complaint is the lack of basic planning and tactics from SC in regards to her chronic T800+ infestation. The movies were basically elaborate, extended chase scenes, but the tv version has downtime for the heroes. What does SC do? She bulks up and buys a bunch of guns and tries to lay low in LA! Stupid!

So Sarah, here are some useful hints from the mind of Trask, based on his years of fighting horrible monsters.

Body building, while visually pleasing to Trask and many other heterosexual males, is not a good use of your time. No matter how many crunches you do on the thighmaster, the terminator will be stronger and faster. Relatively speaking, you are a poodle puppy in a wolf’s mouth when it comes to melee combat. Give it up, focus on something that might actually help you, like weapons.

Which brings up my next point. Sarah, it is time to move beyond bullets. I think it is clear to any sentient being that terminators are BULLETPROOF! What is the point of packing around the big, scary shotgun when it has the same effect as a fly swatter on a tank. Save yourself the felony rap for illegal weapons and use your head instead.

Hey Sarah, here is another good idea, don’t hide out in a city. Terminators look like people, so if you are out in the deep desert, with your kid in cabin and a large man approaches, run. It is that simple. No more second guessing every person you meet.

Trask would do a far better job. I could take out any T-8++ model in a day or so. Hey, I could be the “Terminator Exterminator.” Maybe I could get a bounty from the Cyberdyne Corporation evertime I brought pieces in! Anyway, assuming the attacking model is a robot and not some nanotechnological super-machine, the follow tactics should solve the problem pretty quickly.

The terminator is a humanoid, armored robot with a singular mission. All of these factors could be used to your advantage.

1. Bait a trap. Have John hang out in a junkyard and advertise. Terminators will come like rats to the Pied Piper. Usually through the front gate in a spectactular show of superhuman strength. A show, which by the way, no one ever seems to notice besides the main characters. That is another rant for another day.

2. Entangling. I do not care how strong it is, dropping tons of scrap metal or running it over with a tractor will slow it down. Oops, almost forgot the giant magnet that exists in every Hollywood junkyard, but that gimmick was used in the third movie, so I will not use it. I hate repeating other people tactics. This will buy time for step three.

3. EFP Mr. Terminator, meet hyper-velocity molten copper. A T-800 was blown in half by a pipe bomb, a solid it from one of these toys should swiss cheese the vermin.

Trask wins and the world is safe for John Connor, warlord in training.

All kidding aside, I hate when writers in books, movies or television overlook obvious solutions. They are just being lazy and assuming the audience retarded.

Trask, the Last Tyromancer

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trask

Trask is a long-time gamer, world traveler and history buff. He hopes that his scribblings will both inform and advance gaming as a hobby.

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